I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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