HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
