we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
