I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
