she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
