her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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