Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?