So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Boobs speak an international language.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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