all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
