she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
