this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize