so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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