only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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