if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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