I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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