Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
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