Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Randomize
