I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
