I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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