I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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