Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
