Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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