I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Randomize
