someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
