So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Acid is not a monday night drug
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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