TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
