I'm pants shitting drunk right now
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
