Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
