so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
