i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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