I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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