he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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