One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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