The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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