Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
