I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
