Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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