my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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