True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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