I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
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