I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
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Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
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This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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