getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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