hotel room ftw
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
