i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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