worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
