I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
