Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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