I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
