hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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