I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
