these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
