I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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