I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
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There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
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painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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