I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
