can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
3pm strippers are depressing
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
