Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
