so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
