Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
When did angry sex become our thing?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
