So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Someone signed my nipple.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
