That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
