i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
