Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
