I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
