My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
