I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
