It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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