Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
