ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
