I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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