Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
