You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
