I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
