the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
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What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
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That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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