Soap is not a condiment
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
