Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
