You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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