Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
