The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
me + whiskey = a bad person
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
