Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
