im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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